Parent/Caregiver Corner - May 2012

Helping your Child Handle Cliques and Navigate the Social Jungle

Being “in” is every child’s dream, but being excluded is painful. There is nothing worse than eating lunch alone and not getting invited to parties and sleepovers. Cliques rule. Trying to get out of a clique can be just as difficult as trying to get in.

Unfortunately, as a parent you cannot assure your child that he/she will be included in the next exclusive gathering, nor can you save him/her from being snubbed. However, there are some things that you can say and do to help your child learn to navigate the social jungle, bounce back from rejection and learn to fit in.

• Be empathetic. “I know how tough it must be to be excluded. Let’s figure out some things that we can do about it.”
• Provide a balanced view. “Everyone does not hate you. What about your friend Sandra?” “You and Kevin were playing soccer at lunch – he’s a good friend.”
• Don’t press too hard. “This is a tough topic. I’m here when you need me.” It can be humiliating for your child to confess this kind of rejection. Being available and supportive is a good first step. Your child may open up later.
• Don’t knock the other kids. Yes, they are excluding and shunning your child, but criticizing them won’t help. Your child wants their friendship so don’t say: “Those kids are mean and stupid.” “Why would you want to be their friend anyway?”
• Talk to teachers. The teacher is with your child all day and will have some insights that will be able to help you.
• Start with one ally. One friend can be your child’s social entry card. Your child can start a one to one relationship with a child who is already in the group.
• Help your child blend in. If this is truly a group of friends that your child wants to be with, superficial as it may seem to you, take a look at the group and then make a few suggestions to your child about how he/she can blend in.
• Point him/her in a different direction. If one group rebuffs him/her, encourage him/her to make new friends that may be more appropriate.
• Encourage special strengths. Help your child identify what is special and unique about him/her. This can increase his/her self-esteem and confidence making him/her more resilient to be able to handle the pressures of social jungle.
• Help manage frustrations. This kind of rejection can be very traumatic so offer your child healthy outlets and strategies for coping – keep a journal, indulge in activities that can positively channel this frustration - sports, music, drama, creative writing.
• Watch for downslide.  If you think that your child is having a hard time, be available.  Schedule time together.   Look for red flags such as poor grades, changes in eating habits, mood swings, anger or withdrawal. 
• Use the school as an ally.  Speak to the administration or the guidance counsellor.  If you are very worried, seek help from the school social worker.

Parent/Caregiver Corner - April 2012

What is Co-operation?

• Working together for a common purpose
• Working together to reach a common goal

Quotations

“We may have all come on different ships, but we’re in the same boat now. “ (Martin Luther King Jr.)
“The only thing that will redeem mankind is co-operation.” (Bertrand Russell)
“He that does good to another does good also to himself.” (Lucius Annaeus Seneca, 4 BC–65AD)
“We are all dependent on one another, every soul of us on earth.” (George Bernard Shaw)

What does co-operation look like/sound like?

• Happily doing something that will help others
• Agreeing to play a game others want to play if it means the group will benefit
• Helping someone in need by opening a door or helping to carry something
• Helping to find a compromise when a group is in disagreement
• Playing fair when participating in sports or games, and being a “good loser” and a “good winner”
• Inviting someone who is alone or “left out” to join the group
• Encouraging others to recognize the importance of co-operation by demonstrating the spirit of co-operation in your daily activities
• Volunteering time or resources to a community project
• Listening to the ideas of group members and finding ways for each person to feel valued and important
• Offering to do a job that nobody else in the group wants to do
• Asking the group members for their ideas and opinions

Your child can show co-operation by:

• Playing and working peacefully with others in the family
• Listening to adults and being respectful of their requests
• Working with others to complete a task and/or achieve a goal
• Helping to find a compromise when there are family disagreements

Questions to discuss with your child:

• What is co-operation, and what does it mean to be co-operative in a family?
• What are some things you do at home or at school that require co-operation?

Projects to do together:

• Make a list of things that your family does that require co-operation.
• Watch for situations on television that demonstrate co-operative behaviour, and talk about the various ways in which the characters acted co-operatively with each other.
• Work together on chores at a time when all members of the family can work together to finish them.
• Complete a fun project that involves all family members (e.g., putting together a jigsaw puzzle, making a homemade pizza).

Encouraging co-operation in your child:

• Praise your child when he or she is co-operative.
• Help your child become aware of his or her own co-operative or unco-operative behaviour.
•Share your own experiences of co-operative/unco-operative behaviour and how it affected others.

A Winning ATTITUDE and You!

ATTITUDE is a state of mind when you approach a situation. When you have a positive attitude, the possibilities are limitless.

Why is your attitude so important? Because it affects –

• How you look, what you say and what you do
• How you feel both physically and mentally
• How successful you are in achieving your goals

Do you take a positive attitude toward yourself?

• Are you willing to learn?
• Do you do your best on your schoolwork?
• Do you demonstrate enthusiasm?
• Are you willing to grow?
• Do you welcome change?
• Do you see the humour in things?

Do you take a positive attitude toward others?

• Are you sincerely interested in others?
• Do you look at other people’s point of view?
• Are you a good listener?
• Are you able to work with others?

You’ll be amazed how positive thinking can make your life better. Try practising with your family:

• Keep each other informed—a calendar with everyone’s activities helps to keep days and evenings running smoothly
• Be punctual – time is precious so do your best to be on time
• Be cheerful – it keeps things light-hearted
• Use only polite words – a few kind words can make a big difference (e.g. Please, Thank you, May I?)
• Be Helpful – Look for ways you can assist. If everyone chips in, it leaves more time for other activities
• Be Patient – Good things often come to those who display patience

Here are some suggestions for positive thinking at school.

• Be dependable – get to school and finish your homework
• Take pride in your work – this is key for success
• Respect – yourself and the rights of others
• Be considerate - it helps everyone to be successful
• Knowledge – it helps you grow
• Enthusiasm – it fuels your progress and keeps you happy

Adopting a winning ATTITUDE makes everyday living better.

• Life is more meaningful
• Problems are easier to handle
• Goals are more attainable
• Mistakes seem less disastrous
• The future is more exciting

“It’s not your APTITUDE, but your ATTITUDE that determines your ALTITUDE!” ~ Anonymous

Parent/Caregiver Corner - March 2012

Helping Your Child Develop Career Awareness at an Early Age

• Talk to your child regularly to find out what he/she is passionate about.
• Allow your child to explore various interests by enrolling in activities.
• Encourage your child to explore different occupations.
• Find out about courses and programs offered at the secondary schools and beyond.
• Talk to your child about the work you and other family members do.
• Encourage your child to use volunteer opportunities to explore the many available occupations.
• Help your child to expand his/her list of possibilities.
• Use the Internet or your local library to access current, accurate information.
• Encourage the development of a Plan “A” and a Plan “B”.
• If your child is in Grade 7 or 8, review your child’s Annual Education Plan regularly and discuss the importance of goal setting.
• Take the opportunity to participate in ‘Take our kids to Work’ Programs.
• Support your child in his/her decision-making.
• Have fun in the process.

Parent/Caregiver Corner - Feb 2012

Getting on the Right Track

 

Establishing consistent homework and study routines are critical components in assisting students to be the best learners they can be.

The following tips will assist you in setting up a homework/study space:

A complete assignment notebook/agenda

• Write down all assignments right away
• Know exactly what you are supposed to do
• Start immediately after you sit down
• Have everything you need with you

Plan what you wish to accomplish

• Plan when you will study
• A consistent time and place is best
• Break down large tasks into smaller ones
• Keep a record of what you do accomplish

Good lighting

• Not too bright, not too dim

Chair

• Use one that is comfortable

Books

• Have all necessary text books & reference books handy

Supplies

• Pencils, pens, markers, erasers, white-out, ruler, stapler, paperclips, pencil sharpener, post-it notes, paper, scissors, calculator, etc.

Clock

• This will help you manage your time

Distraction-free

• This would include TV, loud music
• Soft, background music may be helpful

To maximize learning:

• Get enough sleep
• Eat regular meals & healthy snacks
• Exercise regularly
• Schedule short breaks during study time